No Need For Cloud
by Yuffie Valentine
Summary: Cloud is having girl (and man) troubles. He needs a way out, but the only way he can get out of it with making everyone is selling his soul to....................... (not a serious fic at all, pure comedy)


No need for Cloud

By Yuffie Valentine

Oh boy! I think this is going to be one of those fics where either people think it's weird or funny, like Dirty Habits. It's one of those I would sell my soul for this one thing to come true. Guess who the devil is? Takes place at the point where you are suppose to go on the date with either Aeris/Tifa/Yuffie/Barret.

WARNING: This a bit weird and mentions the devil. I do not worship the devil or anything like that, it is for a comedy use only.

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Cloud ran for his life as his four 'friends' chased through Gold Saucer. He tried to catch his breath but it was no use. He was caught. He passed out and fell to the floor.

"Oh now look what you did." Tifa said.

"What I did, it was Barret's fault." Aeris said, "He's not even a girl and he is chasing Cloud."

"I was just bored and wanted to have some fun." Barret yelled, "You should blame Yuffie, it's always her fault."

"WHAT? No way. It was the bra-less wonder and the slut from the slums." Yuffie yelled back. Aeris and Tifa started to beat on her.

"I wear a bra you flat chested thief." Tifa kicked Yuffie in the ribs.

"Who you calling a slut. Just cause no guy in his right mind would touch you." Aeris said bringing down her staff on Yuffie.

"Ouch, stop it." Yuffie threw down one of her emergency smoke bombs. She dashed away while Barret, Aeris, and Tifa coughed. Not to mention she took Cloud with her.

"Where did she go?" Aeris asked.

"Where is Cloud?" Tifa said.

"Man I should have just stayed in bed." Barret said. Him, Tifa, and Aeris started to walk back to the hotel.

Cloud hit the floor as Yuffie dropped him. "Man, you need to lose some weight there Cloud. Huh?" She turned around to see Cait Sith holding something glittering in his hand. MATERIA! "HEY CAT BUTT GET BACK HERE!" Yuffie left Cloud for her first love.

"Oh my head." Cloud said, "God, what I wouldn't give to have a solution to my problems."

"How about your soul?" a voice asked. Cloud looked behind him to see Vincent floating there.

"Hey Vincent, what are you talking about?" Cloud asked.

"I am saying I will solve all your problems for your soul." Vincent said. A pair of devil horns showed up on his head. A long pointed tail comes out from under his capes. "I am the dark prince."

"Oh my god Vincent is the devil?" Cloud asked himself.

"Why yes I am Cloud. Now If I get your soul, I will fix it so that you never have to deal with Aeris, Tifa, or Yuffie. But they will all live in bliss without heart break" Vincent said.

"And there is Barret, he also came tonight when the girls were asking for dates, can you take care of him too?" Cloud asked.

"My dear friend, I can do anything. Now, you will have 21 days before the spell is complete." Vincent said. He snapped his fingers and Sephiroth appeared holding a contract.

"OH MY GOD YOU HAVE SEPHIROTH WORKING FOR YOU?" Cloud said.

"But of course, it's a family business." Vincent said.

"Sephiroth is your son?" Cloud asked. One surprise after another for our blonde hero.

"Well I think it's obvious really. How could such a bad ass cool looking guy like Sephiroth be the son of that Hojo. I mean, you most see we look alike." Vincent said.

"Yeah, that is true." Cloud said.

"Come on Cloud, just sign on the dotted line." Sephiroth said. He handed a pen and the contract to Cloud.

"I don't know if I should do this." Cloud said. He looked regretfully down at the paper.

"Come on Cloud, everyone is doing it." Sephiroth said with a smile on his face.

"Oh yeah, like who?" Cloud asked. He didn't think anyone was desperate enough to do something like this.

"Like Rufus. I killed his father, he gave us his soul. The Chocobo Sage did it for premium cable services. Marlene sold us her soul if we promised to get her a date with Reno. Everybody you know is doing it." Sephiroth said. 

"Well, if everyone else is doing it." Cloud signed. Vincent grinned and took the contract. 

"Thank you for your businees Cloud. Sephiroth will show you what is going to happen." Vincent said, " I have to go talk with Yuffie now."

"That's almost too easy." Cloud said. He was surprised that she didn't sell it already. He was wondering what she would sell her soul for.

"Sephiroth, take care of him." Vincent said and took off in a puff of smoke.

"Now Cloud, to my lab." Sephiroth said. He blinked his eyes and they were in a very clean white lab. Sephiroth pointed to a chair where Cloud sat down.

"What are we doing here?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth's black coat turned into a white lad coat. He then pulled out 4 cell dishes. 

"We are making clones!" Sephiroth said with a smile. Cloud's eyes bugged out.

"WHAT?" Cloud asked.

"We are going to make more Clouds that will go to each girl while you have a perfect life." Sephiroth said. He put a drop of Jenova cells in each dish. Then took a needle and pricked Cloud. Dropping blood into each dish. Adding the last item, a piece of spikey hair. "Now time for the magic!" Sephiroth took out his sword and waved it over the dishes. A blanket of smoke filled the room. When it cleared there is four Cloud babies.

"Wow, they are cute!" Cloud said. "Wait, one is a girl!"

"That one is for Barret. Make him a nice little wife." Sephiroth said. "Now, this is very important. They can not see anything of the outside world or it will change their personality and they will be failures. They most remain in their beds."

The babies were surrounded by black tube like beds. Cloud smiled. He was a daddy, well kinda. On each tube there was a code name. "Mist, "Puff". "Fog", and "Haze".

"Wow, that's all?" Cloud said.

"Yep, they grow a day each year till they are 21 one, then they go to a regular human rate." Sephiroth said. "Now make sure no one sees them."

"I won't let a soul see them till they are ready." Cloud said. Sephiroth started to laugh.

"A soul hasn't seen them. Neither you nor me have one. Good joke Cloud." Sephiroth blinked and Cloud found himself in his hotel room with the pods. Cloud hide them under the bed. 

After he made sure they were hidden well, he went outside. Everyone was haning out in the hall.

"CLOUD!" Yuffie ran to Cloud crying. " Cait Sith stole the keystone and then I had a nightmare."

"What?" Cloud asked.

" I had a nightmare where the devil was trying to get me into bed." Yuffie said with a sniffle. Cloud shot a glance at Vincent who was wearing a secret smile under his capes.

"It's all right Yuffie. Now what about the keystone?" Cloud asked. Yuffie cleared her voice.

"He stole the keystone and was going to give it to Shinra. But I stopped him." Yuffie held up Cait Sith'sarm with the keystone in the paw.

"Oh my, where is the rest of Caith Sith?" Aeris asked.

"How should I know?" Yuffie said. She skipped off.

"I saw we just get some sleep damn it!" Cid said.

"That sounds like a great idea Cid." Cloud said. He went back into his room. But it wasn't empty. Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie were all in there.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Cloud asked. He was nervous they would find the clones.

"Cloud, we have something to tell you." Tifa said, "Both me and Aeris had the same dream. We are scared that it might have something to do with Sephiroth. Can we all sleep in your room tonight?"

"Pretty please Cloud!" Aeris begged.

"I promise not to steal anything. And we all promised not to hit on you or fight over you." Yuffie said.

"Just for tonight Cloud." Tifa said. She gave a big puppy eyed look. Aeris and Yuffie both gave the same look.

"Fine, fine, fine. Just let me get some sleep you three." Cloud said. Yuffie, Tifa, And Aeris took the beds. Cloud slept on the floor. He didn't want any of them to look under the bed. 

Fin of part 1

REVIEW, FOR THE LOVE OF SQUARESOFT, REVIEW!


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